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Eggnog

by tinsel time

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1.
Nobody ever knew an elf That could keep a secret to himself I’ve been hearing rumours flying That a marriage might be dying I guess that it gets awful cold Up there in the Northern Pole But we got to heat those hearts up It’s time to get this couple back on course Mr and Mrs Claus Don’t get a divorce Because goodness knows There’s enough of those Your marriage is bigger than Love between a woman and a man So Mr and Mrs Claus Stay together of course! As far as institutions go You could do a whole lot worse you know So it shouldn’t be disparaged Why not stick with marriage Nobody said it would be bliss Because home is where the heartache is But we gotta heat those hearts up ‘cause divorce is the worst present of all Say ‘you do’ See it through Nobody ever knew an elf That could keep a secret to himself I’ve been hearing rumours flying That this marriage might be dying But having problems ain’t a sin And don’t tell me you don’t feel a thing when She’s at the table crying She says, “You’re not even trying" He says "Look into my eyes now And find the one you fell for all those years ago.” And we'll sing it until we're hoarse Stay together of course!
2.
Christmas party, fairy lights She came drifting into sight But I can’t make bold moves Frozen legs but heart’s ablaze I can feel her tender gaze From across the room Christmas bells jingle Our glances intermingle A girl just caught my eye This Christmas time Before this evening gets away I wanna just go right up and say I’m hoping you’ll be mine This Christmas time Christmas party, crowded room He came drifting into view Bit of a surprise Bashful smile, kinda shy I guess I should say hi And get to know those eyes Christmas bells jingle Our glances intermingle A boy just caught my eye This Christmas time Before this evening gets away I’d better just go right up and say I’m hoping you’ll be mine This Christmas time (I’m hoping you’ll be mine) —She’s coming over —I’m going over —Do I look nervous? —He looks so nervous —(Both) And suddenly we’re both so near —We get to talking —We get to talking —Words are flying —Words are flying —(Both) Christmas is the best time of the year Christmas bells jingle Our voices intermingle You just caught my eye This Christmas time Before this evening got away I’m glad I got the chance to say I’m hoping you’ll be mine This Christmas time
3.
Sugar high sugar low Don’t where to go from here If you stay I’m gonna go Don’t know how to control my fear I should’ve treated you nice Even when you burnt the rice You were the only one who stayed by my side There’s no one at home because my life turned out a mess I watch TV alone and sitting in my Sunday best And if I just reached out to my neighbours once or twice I wouldn’t drink my nog alone this Christmas night Stripping down, the air con’s broken, like the jolly folk next door They’re keeping me up, they’re popping the bons, I see them smiling through the door I fold the invitation they left on my front pavement Because they don’t want the likes of me Sitting beneath their Christmas tree There’s no one at home because my life turned out a mess I watch TV alone and sitting in my Sunday best And if I just reached out to my neighbours once or twice I wouldn’t drink my nog alone this Christmas night Was I like this as a kid? Disappointing life I’ve lived Cold, cold house when I was young Never dreamt of what I could become Maybe it’s time to go out and get in a fight Maybe it’s time to see these Christmas lights up Everything is going wrong And everything at once How could I not overcome something that I've done? Roll my sleeves up, start again So my loss stays strong Forget about the first attempt When I was young There’s no one at home but that’ll change, just give me time Don’t know why you think I’ve got to tell you I’m always fine I dust myself right down and I walk up to your front porch I know it’s late but can you handle just one more?
4.
January 03:50
Mama always told me Have a grateful heart But I’m sorry ma This year has just been too damn hard Work’s been such a drag And my man ran off So I’ve had enough But I might have better luck (when it's) January Won’t you come back to me Don’t you go leaving me under the Christmas tree And I always hear That every year’s a gift But I don’t remember This heartache on my Christmas list So take your fairy lights And your mistletoe I don’t want to know I just want another go (when it's) January Won't you come back to me Don't you go leaving me under the Christmas tree As one year ends I’ve got my wounds to tend So hurry home sweet, sweet January Time goes by Every day I don’t want to wish Any more away But I’ll fall apart Without a fresh start So I’m waiting for the day in
5.
Double time and a half Well that’s a lot of pay But sorry boss, it’s not enough To work on Christmas Day I know we need hotels As much as we need jingle bells But roster someone else on I don’t think a hotel’s an Appropriate Christmas stay I know we need fast food For people who spatially intrude But please Mr Ronald Don’t let your McDonalds Take my Christmas away Two hundo fifty percent Of my standard pay But you wont a-get me to consent To working on a-Christmas Day I know we need service stations To reach our destinations But hours behind a counter Will never quite amount to Sufficient Christmas pay You know you need your family No matter how insane they might be So go enjoy that rowdy mob Quit your useless job So you couldn’t—even if you somehow wanted to—work on Christmas Day (It’s a big) N/A N/A N/A On Christmas Day

about

Every bird has to leave the nest, even when that nest is in a World Heritage area. And when some dumb airport gets proposed in that same region, and both the Liberals and the Labors decide to agree for the first time ever, well, that bird is going to flap its wings with extra gusto.

Two young lads, driven out of the Blue Mountains by hitherto-unheard-of-political-agreement, left their families behind and moved into a share house with two other friends in Sydney’s Inner West. Even in the lead-up to moving, it was difficult not to anticipate the nostalgia they would one day feel about this period of freedom, fun, and future identity formation. One day, when they would each be stuck in loveless marriages, going through the motions, making that dollar and growing that family, their minds would flicker back to their time in Summer Hill. They would look back with immeasurable fondness on their times staying up late playing video games, spending too much money on takeaway coffees despite owning an expensive coffee machine, and trying to outdo each other in making the least nutritionally beneficial dinners possible. And once they moved in, it played out just as they had anticipated. And things were good.

But happiness has a way of slipping away from the party unnoticed. One of the housemates, having been smitten with the same woman since the very first day of Kindergarten, finally proposed in October, and the two were engaged to be married. Initially, celebrations were rife in the household: champagne from the previous year’s work Christmas bonus was popped open, hugs were had, and fists were pumped. All three of the unengaged housemates were unabashedly congratulatory, even going so far as to take the engagement photo that would do the rounds on Facebook and the such. Despite the initially positive response, a different mood—engendered by a thinly veiled jealousy of finding one’s soulmate—began to slowly take shape within the house. Whenever the newly engaged couple were around, a miasma of bitterness filled the air: whichever room they entered soon emptied, their TV rights were somehow taken away, and they were never offered cups of tea. Eventually, the resentment grew to be too much.

When Christmas neared, the couple purchased a towering Christmas tree for the boys’ house, as well as a neat tree stand that cost $45 alone. The two of them spent all afternoon fitting it and the living room out with bunting, baubles, and other hangable banalities. But that night, when all was a-hush and not a creature was stirring, the tree toppled over. It went unheard, but could not stay unseen, for if a tree falls in the night, and no one is around to see it, it’s still there in the morning. When the four lads awoke to see the pine needles and baubles splashed across the floor, the past month’s pent-up antagonism broke out among them, each blaming the others for just about any defect ever accommodated by this miserable world.

A relentless spray of acrimonious words hurtled back and forth between each of them, until insults ran dry and the slow fog of regret began to descend upon the room. Anger being no easily expendable resource, they each wearily collapsed back onto the couch without further utterance, and sat silently in each other’s company for a few minutes. But silence, like fine china, is destined to break, and it was soon broken by a mindless chatter, tinged with a soft embarrassment that hinted at a mutual longing for an immediate but unspoken reconciliation.

Inevitably, this chatter soon led to an impromptu a cappella rendition of Sufjan’s Angels We Have Heard On High. This made way for the spontaneous creation of five original Christmas songs, borne of a dark period but signifying a beautiful new place. Upon breathlessly composing and recording them, all done within thirty-five minutes, the four young men exhaled in unison, eager to make the most of the five months they had until the wedding. Though jealousy had threatened, Christmas had prevailed.

credits

released December 21, 2016

All songs by Miles Elkington and Garth Travers, except Track 3 by Thom Davies
Female vocals by Kathleen Travers
Cello by Sam Buckingham-Jones
Album artwork by Emily Travers

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tinsel time Sydney, Australia

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